Most of us grow up with a romanticized idea of love, largely influenced by movies, TV shows, and fairy tales. We see couples fall in love, face challenges, and then get their “happily ever after.” But what we don’t often see is what happens next—what happens after the honeymoon phase, when the spark fades and the daily grind of life kicks in. For millennial couples, this is often where the real challenges begin.
In the early days of a relationship, things feel exciting and effortless. You’re caught up in the thrill of attraction, chemistry, and learning everything about each other. This is what’s often called the “lust phase” or “honeymoon phase.” But when this fades, many couples worry something is wrong, thinking they’re falling out of love. In reality, this is completely normal. The key to maintaining a relationship beyond the honeymoon phase is to have a sense of purpose—both individually and as a couple.
The End of the Lust Phase
The “lust phase” is fueled by excitement and novelty. You’re drawn to each other physically, emotionally, and mentally. But as time goes on, the thrill of newness fades, and day-to-day life takes over. You start seeing each other’s flaws, habits, and quirks that you might have overlooked before.
When this happens, many people feel disillusioned. They compare their partner to the person they were at the start of the relationship, thinking something is wrong. But this is a natural part of long-term love. Relationships, like people, grow and evolve. And just like in any other area of life, relationships require effort and purpose.
Purposeful Relationships: What Does It Mean?
Having a “purposeful” relationship means being intentional in how you approach your partnership. It’s about making deliberate choices to nurture the connection, rather than expecting things to just fall into place naturally. In the early days of love, you don’t need to think much about effort—it feels easy. But as time goes on, both partners need to act with purpose.
Example 1: The Busy Couple
Take Rina and Jhonny, for example. In the beginning, they couldn’t get enough of each other. They went on spontaneous dates, sent sweet texts, and spent hours talking about their dreams. But after a year together, things started to shift. Work got busier, life became more routine, and their communication began to dwindle. They felt disconnected and worried that their relationship might be in trouble.
Instead of assuming they had fallen out of love, Rina and Jhonny realized they needed to be more purposeful in their relationship. They decided to set aside time for weekly date nights and daily check-ins. Even though they were tired after work, they made it a point to talk about their day, share their feelings, and show appreciation for each other. Slowly, they rebuilt their connection, not through grand gestures, but through small, intentional acts of love.
The Difference Between Being Comfortable and Being Bored
One of the challenges couples face as the honeymoon phase ends is distinguishing between feeling comfortable and feeling bored. Being comfortable means you can relax and be yourself around your partner. It’s a sign of security and trust. But boredom can creep in when there’s a lack of excitement or emotional engagement.
So how can you tell the difference? Pay attention to your internal state. If you’re generally positive and feel secure, you’re probably just comfortable. But if you feel frustrated, disconnected, or like you’re just going through the motions, it may be a sign that something needs to change.
Example 2: Aarti and Rohit’s Realization
Aarti and Rohit had been married for three years. They both came from traditional Indian families and were settled into a comfortable routine. While there was no major conflict, Aarti began to feel like their relationship had lost its spark. Instead of excitement, their days were filled with mundane tasks like grocery shopping and paying bills.
But when Aarti took a step back, she realized that they were not unhappy—they were just comfortable. To add some excitement back into their relationship, she suggested they start doing new activities together. They began going for early morning walks in the park and even enrolled in a painting class. These small changes helped them rediscover the fun and excitement that had initially brought them together.
The Importance of Communication
Communication plays a crucial role in any relationship, but in India, where extended families and societal expectations can sometimes overshadow individual needs, it becomes even more essential. Open, honest communication allows couples to express their feelings, needs, and frustrations without letting small issues turn into big problems.
Many times, couples avoid difficult conversations out of fear of causing tension. But purposeful communication means addressing problems head-on, sharing your needs, and being specific about what you expect from your partner. This level of openness prevents misunderstandings and builds trust.
Example 3: The Communication Breakdown
Annie and David were a couple who had been married for five years. They both worked full-time and had two young kids, which meant they had very little time for each other. As a result, small frustrations began to build. David felt like Anna didn’t appreciate how much he worked, while Annie felt like David wasn’t involved enough with the kids. Instead of addressing these feelings, they let them fester until they started to resent each other.
One evening, after a particularly stressful day, they had a serious conversation. Annie expressed how overwhelmed she felt, and David shared his frustrations about feeling unappreciated. By being vulnerable and honest, they were able to reconnect and come up with solutions. They agreed to divide household responsibilities more equally and made it a point to check in with each other emotionally at least once a day.
Purposeful Actions: Small Things Matter
Another way to maintain a strong relationship is through small, purposeful actions. While grand gestures are nice, it’s often the little things that matter most. Taking the time to show love and appreciation in everyday life helps keep the connection alive.
Small, thoughtful actions often carry more weight than grand gestures. Whether it’s making a cup of tea/coffee for your partner in the morning or remembering to ask how their day went, these small acts of love and care can keep the romance alive. These small acts of kindness add up, whether it’s leaving a love note, surprising your partner with their favorite treat, or simply making time for a hug. They show that you’re thinking of each other and invested in the relationship. Purposeful actions, no matter how small, show your partner that you value them and that you’re committed to nurturing the relationship.
Example 4: Dev and Meera’s Daily Efforts
Dev and Meera had a busy lifestyle. Dev worked long hours as a software engineer, while Meera managed her own boutique. Despite their hectic schedules, they made it a point to do small things for each other. Dev would sometimes surprise Meera by bringing home her favorite sweets, and Meera would prepare Dev’s favorite dinner on weekends. These simple, purposeful acts of love helped them stay connected, even during the busiest times.
Finding Purpose in Life and Relationships
One of the key factors in maintaining a healthy relationship is having a sense of purpose—not just in your relationship, but in your life as a whole. Research shows that people who have a strong sense of purpose are more likely to have positive relationship outcomes. This is because purposeful individuals are often more motivated, resilient, and invested in the things that matter to them, including their relationships.
In Indian culture, where family, career, and community play significant roles, having a sense of purpose can help couples stay connected to their shared goals and values. When both partners are clear about what they want from life and their relationship, they are more likely to work together toward those goals.
When you have a clear sense of what matters to you—whether it’s your career, family, hobbies, or personal growth—you’re more likely to approach your relationship with intention. You’re also more likely to attract a partner who shares your values and goals.
Example 5: The Purposeful Couple
Rachel and Tom were both passionate about their careers. Rachel worked in non-profit management, while Tom was a teacher. They shared a love for helping others and were deeply committed to their work. This sense of purpose extended to their relationship as well. They supported each other’s goals, encouraged personal growth, and made sure their relationship was a safe space where they could both thrive. Their shared sense of purpose helped them stay connected, even when life got busy.
The Research Behind Purposeful Relationships
Studies support the idea that purposeful people tend to have stronger relationships. For example, a study from Washington University found that people with a sense of purpose were seen as more attractive romantic partners. Profiles of individuals who showed a strong commitment to a higher purpose—whether it was helping others, pursuing creative passions, or building strong relationships—were rated more highly than those without a clear sense of direction.
In India, where arranged marriages often involve evaluating a partner’s goals, values, and family background, having a shared sense of purpose can be crucial to long-term success. According to psychologist Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, successful relationships consist of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Purposeful individuals are more likely to invest in these areas, especially commitment, which is essential for sustaining love over time.
Conclusion: Relationships Require Purposeful Effort
At the end of the day, maintaining a strong, healthy relationship requires purposeful effort. It’s not enough to rely on the initial excitement or chemistry to carry you through. As time goes on, relationships need to be nurtured through intentional actions, open communication, and a shared sense of purpose.
By being purposeful in your relationship—whether it’s through small acts of love, honest conversations, or working toward shared goals—you can build a lasting bond that goes beyond the filmy idea of romance. Relationships, like anything worth having, require effort. But with the right mindset and deliberate actions, they can grow deeper and more meaningful with time.