Everyone goes through hard times, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them destroy your life. I had my fair share of challenges in my early thirties, but I didn’t let that derail my goals or ruin the future I wanted. So how did I do it?
Here are the few most important things I did to ensure I would come out of it all okay.
0-30 Years VS 30-60 years life
Human beings are capable of any evil or a good act. The question is if we are willing to go to the extreme in what we have planned to achieve our goals. Every individual must decide if he/she is interested in fulfilling his/her dreams to the next level in given circumstances. If a person desires to achieve something, he/she will find ways to get up from dark times and rise from his/her ashes with new opportunities. In life, people face many challenging circumstances, which for some is too hard to pass, but it’s all about how an individual deals with those situations that define her inner strength and character.
As the person goes through his/her life, he/she keeps on facing various situations. The time that we have between birth and 30 years of age is a golden period as we have to struggle to built our career. The most difficult part starts after 30 years of age, which is considered the maturity stage for any person. This is where one needs to start taking important decisions about their life, which may not be easy for some people.
Family Person
Now, let’s look at the typical 30 to 60 years of life. Man/ woman reaches the age of 30. Time to think about marriage and take responsibility to start building a family. And he/she starts having children. Then he/she loses his/her job. And then his/her friends get divorced. And this is the period we mostly get blood pressure – cholesterol, diabetes and other diseases. By now, he’s/she’s 45 years old, and there are braces in the kids’ mouths and soccer practice in the morning and tutoring at night, with a wife who thinks everything costs too much and talks about an equal partnership all the time. At 50, life becomes tougher as this is the children’s career-building period. After 60 years, life is either good or bad, as these 30 years of life will define our next 10-15 years of life.
Divorcee
A divorced person one day, he/she wakes up on the floor with a medal from his/her office or works with an empty liquor bottle lying next to him/her with no sweet memories. One day out of the blue, you wake up and realize that your life has fallen apart. This can lead to guilt and shame, but it is not uncommon. You may feel that you have failed in some way, even though you did everything right; perhaps you were a good person who lived an honest life and did his best in every situation. It may be difficult to move on from this realization, but moving forward is what matters most. Maybe it is revered if the person lives a decent life as a social worker and is proud of how many lives have been changed for him or her, which leads to good sleep without liquor. The only thing that matters is what we want and what we are capable of at the end of our lives. Everyone can do something great, but are we interested in giving our 100% effort?
Life after divorce
I was in a state of shock. I have been with my husband for the last four years, and we got married when we were both 26+ and 27+ years old. Now just four years later, my entire world had been turned upside down. What does this mean for me? What am I going to do now? Am I going to be okay? Who is going to take care of me? The days after the divorce were some of the most challenging days of my life. One morning as I was taking a shower, the water running down on me and soaking through my clothes became too much. As tears streamed down my face, it finally hit me that what happened wasn’t a dream or an awful nightmare; it was real life. It was devastating as I was planning for my pregnancy when all these occurred, as I was not mentally prepared, but I was tired of all struggles and pain which I had gone through during the last four years of my marriage life, which ultimately broke me down. When I thought pregnancy was the only solution that could solve my issue, I realized it could make my life even worse if my husband don’t love me. I have to live my life under the couch of pain and misery, where I can’t stand for myself, even for my child, even I can’t make my child a confident and strong one. Many insecurities and even much pain always hurt me deep inside, which I only could feel. In my case, I had to lose many things to live a free life. I had two options, live entire 30 years of life as a mute and slave, where my role is to do my duty towards my family, and another is I need to live my life with freedom. I can live my life in my way, I may be successful in the next 30 years in my desired career, but I’ll be the loser as a family person. I might have no one to celebrate my death ceremony. One option is there if I adopt a child, but this is still a second option after I become successful. When I realized that many women in the world who become widows or divorced after having children had difficulty surviving, I decided that I would too. But in my case, my husband never loved me as much as he loved his career. This grief always lingered inside my heart and caused pain to spread throughout my soul; how could I love someone like this and he never loved me back? This doubt in my love even made me lose trust in love itself. No matter what, I would never look forward toward love — instead, I would focus on loving my career deeply knowing it would never disappoint me.
The importance of planning
Divorce made me realize that I needed to plan. Planning would help me feel more secure in a world where my life was turned upside down. But as it turns out, making and sticking to a plan is hard work. It takes discipline and focus, two things that can be hard to come by when life hits you hard, which is why it’s so important to start early enough in life so you have time to do the work necessary to make your plans happen!
Tips for planning your post-divorce life
Planning your post-divorce life is often overlooked when you’re a woman. Here are some tips to help you get started on the right foot with a career counsellor, a lawyer and a financial advisor.
1. Schedule an appointment with a career counsellor to discuss what you want from your next job.
2. Hire an attorney who can give specific information and advice relevant to your situation, like whether or not it’s possible to work out custody arrangements without going through the court system and which legal document would be best suited for your needs (separate post).
3. Meet with a financial advisor who can talk about how much money you’ll need to live comfortably after divorce (separate post).
Get a Career Counsellor
Career Counsellors can help you think about the right career path and what type of education might be needed. They can also help you plan your work-life balance by identifying any potential obstacles along the way. And if you’re unsure, a Career Counsellor can help you figure out how to start a new career.
#1 – Find a Career Counsellor
It’sFinding someone qualified to speak with you about your goals and aspirations is important. Consider asking friends or family members who they recommend, looking online, or contacting an organization that helps people find careers.
#2 – Set up an appointment
Once you’ve found someone qualified, contact them to schedule an appointment.
Find Your Focus and bright future.
Divorce can be emotionally, mentally and physically draining. Sometimes, it can be the catalyst to a more fulfilling life and career you never knew was possible. If you’re struggling with what’s next, these tips will help you find focus and a bright future.
- Take time to grieve. It’s important to acknowledge how you feel before moving forward.
- Consider your options. You may want to explore career paths that align with your values and passions. Focus on a career path which you always dream of pursuing.
- Network with others going through similar situations. You’ll get support from people who understand what you’re going through – and they may have helpful advice on what’s next for you.
Create a 5-, 10-, and 15-Year Plan
- A 5-year plan is a general idea of what you want to accomplish in the next five years.
- A 10-year plan takes this goal and expands it, looking at what you want to do with your life in 10 years.
- A 15-year plan takes this goal and expands it even more, looking at what you want to do with your life in the next 15 years.
In essence, a five-year plan is used to set up the groundwork necessary for achieving goals in the next five years. Taking 15 minutes of your time every day or week ensures that your goals are being reached one step at a time!
Begin Saving for Retirement
Saving for retirement is important, but it’s not easy. It starts with a commitment to protect and a plan that makes sense. If you retire early and need to spend more time with yourself in travelling the world, will your retirement income be enough? Will it cover medical expenses that come up as a result of an injury or illness? If your employer offers a retirement plan, enroll as soon as possible. You’ll typically receive an employer match if you contribute at least 6% of your salary. The earlier you start saving, the more time your money will have to grow without additional contributions from you.
Consider What You’ll Need in the Future
It’s easy to feel like you’re always in the moment and that the future is a long way off. But what if life hits hard? The future might be nearer than you think. You may not be able to predict what the next 20-30 years will hold, but there are a few things you can plan for. If that’s the case, make sure you plan accordingly after a divorce life changes a lot for a woman’s life. She needs to prepare for her career, plan for her future stability, and plan for retirement. So in such cases, she needs to have a proper plan from a career counsellor to ensure she plans correctly over the next 30 years!
For example, if you’re single and have children still at home, you may want to consider buying life insurance or taking out a long-term care policy. Calculate your current assets like savings and ornaments, what you have and what you need in future, like a house and car.
Make Time for Yourself in Meditation and healthy living
It’s easy to get caught up in the rat race of life and forget to take time for yourself. You may not even realize that you are doing this until something triggers you to stop and look at your life. For example, divorce can be a significant turning point in someone’s life. It is important to make time for yourself in meditation and healthy living when it happens.
**This article has written to help the women who are going through divorce stage