Who am I?
Am I an Indian wife or a woman, or a human being? I have asked this question several times.
What if I don’t do what seems right in the eyes of society? What if I run away from my misery – what Indian people usually call a woman’s destiny?
I feel like bonded labor with a mangal sutra.
I want to do something in my life, and for my family, I want to live a life full of love and respect, alas! It’s not in my fate.
I tried many times to convenience everyone with the word of love and show my respect, but I still needed to live under the carpet of poverty, even pain. Sometimes I choked myself while holding my tear inside, but I couldn’t say anything to save my relationship.
It is treated as a lost character if I say the words from my heart.
Whenever I see a bird flying high, I feel so jealous; I wish and pray to be born as a bird with a long feather in my next birth to travel all around the world without any fear of being misjudged.
I wanted to do many things in my life, and all my skills are shaded within the kitchen labor.
Whenever I see women my age living joyfully with their husbands and children, I feel how blessed they are and what’s wrong I did in my life; I ask my lord this question several times.
When my heart can’t bear the pain of my expectations, I go to the washroom and cry aloud, keeping my dress in my mouth so that I can express my anger and tear without letting anyone know.
I get hurt many times, but people treat me like I hurt them with my behavior.
Sometimes I wonder what else I can do, what else I am capable of, and what I can do to make everything perfect.
I get blamed by my parents when I can’t handle my marriage life well; I get blamed by my in-laws when I can not handle their son in we’ll.
After all, I ask this question several times, how can I make everything perfect?
I want to settle everything in the right place, but I need to figure out how I can do that.
When people doubt my character, I might love someone for which my family life is a mess. I want to tell everyone it’s okay to call me bisexual or lesbian than characterless.
Sometimes I feel it is my bad luck to be born as a girl and then get married to someone who matches me just for a family, not for love.
Nowadays, one woman spoils another woman’s family life, and I don’t know how they can do that.
This is not my story; this is the story of many women like me worldwide. Who kill their dreams and life expectations within four walls to save their family life and respect.
What if someone does the opposite –
What if a woman follows her dream, stores her egg for the future, becomes a single mother, or adopts a child? Still, she will b called a woman and a mother.
She will be her hero every year, and many women become widows, and many divorces their husbands. Is it mean all are characterless, or all are unfortunate?
If a woman can survive by herself still, why do we treat her as a weak element? Why still can’t society treat her how she deserves to be? Why does a woman always gets blamed for whatever happens?
Marriage is a sacred bond, and it should not be broken due to misunderstandings caused by an outsider; even if it is parents too, it should not be broken because friends or any third person should not break it. If it is easily broken, no bonds are formed from the beginning.